Every word was for you
by Polishirishmomma
Summary: Everyone wants to know who the father is. Is it the rich playboy who is getting married shortly? Or was it the man who often knew her better than she knew herself?
1. Chapter 1

"Luke," I gasped, shivering with lust, at the man who was currently kissing his way down my back, unbuttoning my wedding dress as he went. We had just come home from our wedding in the town square and he was eager to savor all of me, finally, as his wife.

"Yes?" he murmured, his lips hot on my skin. He snuck his tongue out for a taste, and as the cool air hit the moisture, I moaned a little. He was the only one who ever had made me weak just from his fore play. Years of lifting heavy cans in the stock room, walking millions of miles between tables, and woodworking on the side had honed his body into a rugged yet sensual work of art.

"I need to tell you something," I said breathlessly, my eyes rolling back into my head as he got ever closer to the small of my back.

"Right now?" he growled. He was almost to the end of the line of buttons, which would mean the dress would slip off and there would be no going back. Luke was Jekyll and Hyde in the bedroom. The instant I was naked before him, he transformed into a love machine. Telling me I was beautiful, how sexy I was, gripping my hair, as he ran his rough hands up and down my body. It was like electricity. He could jumpstart my body in an instant.

"Its something big, and I don't want to start our wedding night off with any secrets," I said, gripping my dress at the back and spinning around.

"Lorelaaaai," he growled, oooh Mr. Hyde had already arrived. His eyes sent shivers down my spine that spread through my lady parts. I gasped slightly, losing my grip on my dress. But no, I didn't want to start this marriage off on the wrong foot.  
"Please just listen," I said, pushing a hand against his shirtless chest. I had ripped that off on the stairs. A lot of things had come off on the stairs.

Sighing heavily, he sat on the edge of the bed, gesturing for me to continue, clearly pissed that I had interrupted his fun. Taking a deep breath, I forced the words out that had shocked me just that morning.

"Rory is pregnant." I glanced at him after rushing the words out. It took a second to register. His sex fueled testosterone clouded brain had to process, then I saw his eyes narrow

"Pregnant, how?" he stammered, spreading his arms.

"Pretty sure the usual way hon," I teased him. That earned me a grimace.

"Who's the father? That Logan schmuck?" he gritted out. Luke wasn't a fan of Logan by any means. He knew that Rory was seeing Logan, though he was engaged to someone else. He didn't like it. He didn't like that Logan was treating Rory as a side piece. Luke was old fashioned that way. He wasn't happy with Rory accepting her position as the other woman, but he loved her too much to say anything.

"I don't know," I said truthfully, "She clammed up after she told me, instead insisting we get some sleep before the real wedding."

He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Stressed Luke. Not what I wanted to do to him, but no secrets means no secrets.

"Was I wrong to tell you?" I asked him nervously. He looked up at me, with his hand over his mouth. His eyes softened as he took in my nervous expression.

"No. We said no secrets. I appreciate you telling me," he said, getting up to hug me. I leaned into his large frame, savoring the warmth and comfort I felt there. I turned my head and kissed him on the cheek, then the neck. I backed up to look him in the eyes.

"Besides, I have a sexy surprise for you, so I was going to stop you anyway," I say cheekily as I grin while backing into the bathroom. He barely responds with more than a hmmm. I shut the door, promising him all kinds of sexy things we will do to each other once I emerge from the bathroom with his surprise. He doesn't respond but that isn't unusual. I am more than happy to babble on. Once I'm ready, I grab the door handle.

"Get ready!" I shout. I fling the door open, stalking into the room in his favorite pair of my heels, silk stockings, itty bitty underwear, and braless, my arms raised in celebration.

"Ta Da!" I say. He isn't in the room. I look around, thinking he might be in the closet, taking off the rest of his suit.

"Luke?" No answer. I peek out the bedroom door. Nothing. The front door slams. Startled, I run to the bedroom window, not caring that I'm mostly nude. Luke is walking quickly down the street in the direction of the diner. Where Rory is. Crap. I hear a low wolf whistle. Double crap. Looking down, Babette is looking up at me with her thumbs in the air from her porch. Thankfully she is alone, Morey must be in the house. I quickly cross my arms across my chest, giving her a small thumbs up back as I pull the curtain. Triple crap, I need to get dressed and chase down Luke before he gets to Rory. I'm not worried he will hurt her. But Luke has a tendency to yell at those he loves most when he is worried about them. Rory doesn't need that right now. At all. I don't want her to not trust us enough to talk if she thinks she is going to get yelled at. Spinning toward the closet, I kick the heels off, pull the stockings off, not caring if I rip them. I grab my jeans and a sweater, slipping them on as fast as I can. I skip the socks, running down the steps and shoving my feet into my sneakers. Grabbing my keys, I run to the jeep, hoping I can get to him before he gets to her.


	2. Chapter 2

I stalked towards the diner. How could this be happening? Rory is a smart girl. Why would she make this mistake? Why would she let herself be someone's mistress? The questions fly through my mind.

I love Rory with my entire being. She is my child, biology be damned. The little girl she was had me wrapped around her finger the second she walked into my diner. I would die to protect her. I always thought myself to not be a dad kind of guy but Rory shifted that around with those big blue eyes brimming with tears, asking if I would come to her caterpillar's funeral. The shield on my heart that had been in place since my dad died, shattered instantly. She could ask me to do anything, I'd do it. And now, I needed to ask her things.

Behind me, I heard Lorelai's jeep fire up. Most of the town could. It was aging horribly. She was on my tail. I knew it. Normally I would stop, calm down. But this wasn't normal. Rory was flailing. No matter what we did, or said, she continued to spin out. Not what we thought we would be doing with this brilliant girl. Now a woman. And being Logan's mistress? What was that? Rory was better than that. She was worth more than that. And I was damn sure going to tell her once I got there.

How I wished that her and Jess had worked out. I knew it couldn't when they were teens. Jess was too angry at those that should have cared for him and didn't, to care for someone who actually cared about him. He could never see that there was no ulterior motive to Rory's kindness. I knew he needed to go, to find himself, to rid himself of the pain he carried for far too long. When I told him he had to go, I nearly killed me. Like when my dad died. But I couldn't help him. He needed to figure things out for himself. I'd watched from a distance, trying to keep tabs on him. He eventually landed on his feet, found his worth, and had been doing well. Except for that one time. After Philadelphia. But I knew the man he'd become would be the man that recognized Rory's love as something real. I just wish she could get past how he hurt her all those years ago. They were so perfect for each other. They seemed to read each other's minds. They knew when the other wasn't okay. If that wasn't soulmate material, I probably shouldn't be with Lorelai. That's how we fit together.

Tires squealed and I picked up the pace to a jog, the diner in sight across the square. I didn't notice the dark figure sitting on the gazebo as I passed it. It noticed me though. It got up and started following me, perplexed as to why I, on my wedding night, would be running toward the diner.

I reached the door, unlocking it as fast as I could, seeing Lorelai's jeep enter the square out of the corner of my eye. I grabbed the spare key from over the door, slipped in and locked it behind me. I could hear the tv as I climbed the back steps toward the office/apartment. I could see the glow from it as I got to the top. Rory had offered to sleep here so Lorelai and I could have the night to ourselves. She was considerate like that. One of her best qualities. She could read a room.

I raised my fist, knocked a little harder than I intended. I heard her startle, the clicker clattering to the floor.

"Rory, its me," I said, letting her know it was safe to approach. She quickly opened it, with a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

I was sitting in the gazebo, taking a break from the disaster that is my step-dad, reading one of Truncheon's submissions, when I saw him. He was jogging toward the diner. What? What the hell was going on? Did Lorelai have a post coital craving?

"Gross" I muttered to my brain, cursing its quippiness. As I watched him cross the square, I could hear Lorelai's engine racing like she had to pedal to the floor. Damn, she needs to get a new car, as I listened to it growl. I stood up, getting ready to follow Luke in case something was really wrong, like the diner was on fire. It would figure something like that would happen to them on their wedding night.

As I crossed the square toward him, I spied Lorelai's Jeep flying toward the diner. Luke was already in and heading toward the back. She jumped out, ran toward the door. Finding it locked, she instantly reached up to grab the spare. It wasn't there, due to the fuck she shouted. I was at the steps at this point.

"Lorelai everything okay?" I asked. She about startled out of her skin. She whipped around.

"Jess!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"Yes, I am Jess. Nice to meet you Aunt Lorelai," I mocked as I held out my hand for her to shake.

"Ha ha hoodlum. I need to get in there and Luke took the spare in with him," she snarked.

"Trouble in paradise already? That must be some kind of record," I said smirking at her.

"Just help me get it open!" she said exasperatedly throwing her hands up.

"Whoa, calm down, I'll help," I said, moving my hands in placating gestures as I moved closer to the door. A wiggle and bump later, I had the door open. She was past me like a shot, heading for the steps. My curiosity burning a hole in my brain, I followed her, silently praying this wasn't a sex thing. As we got closer to the top, I could hear Luke ranting. Who was up here? Then I heard her. Rory. She was shouting back at him. Lorelai had froze in front of the door to the apartment. She must be assessing whether she should intervene, I thought to myself. Her face was a contortion of fear, anger and worry.

"Lorelai…" I got out her name before she whirled, clamping her hand over my mouth. Her eyes wild, she shook her head frantically at me, ordering me to shut up or else. My eyes wide, I raised both my hands in a gesture of acceptance. She backed away from me. I saw a glint of tears in her eyes as she turned back toward the door. I decided to focus my attention on the door as well.

Why was Luke yelling at Rory? He loved that girl. She was his first princess, April being his second. Yelling at Rory was unheard of. Hell, when I dated her, his own nephew, I got yelled at about hurting her, not her hurting me. Looking down at my shoes, I reminisced about those days when Luke swore he would hurt me if I hurt her. And of course I had. I was a fuck up in those days. I didn't know who I was. Hell, I didn't know who my father was. Well, I did, his name anyway. But between him and Liz, I was a little fucked up back then. I couldn't do right by Rory when I couldn't do right for myself. I self destructed at every opportunity.

"What about Jess!" Rory shouted, pulling me out of my memories, making my head jerk up. Lorelai stiffened. She looked at me with those same eyes from my hoodlum days. I shrugged, shaking my head. I had no idea why they were discussing me.


	4. Chapter 4

"Luke," I breathed out in relief as I headed for the door. I opened it with a small smile. It quickly disappeared when I saw his face. He was angry.

"We need to talk," he grumbled as he walked past me, into the apartment. His shoulders were hunched, a sure sign of an angry Luke.

"Okayyy" I said as I shut the door and turned around. He was standing against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed, his angry eyes piercing me. I stood there, not knowing what to do or say. I had never been the subject of Luke's anger before. It was a bit terrifying. Probably karma for all the times I relished in him releasing his anger on someone else. I mirrored his stance, crossing my arms. I looked at him from under my lashes and then back down. Damn, he was intimidating when he was angry. No wonder people ran when he started to rant.

"Rory, do you have something to tell me?" he said, raising his chin up. Oh no. Mom told him. She told him and he is so disappointed in me. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Tears started to prick behind my eyelids. Shit. Why did she do this tonight? On her wedding night? What was mom thinking!

"Luke," I sobbed out, unable to hold it in, "I'm pregnant."

"How? Who?" he growled. Shit. I don't want to answer this question right now. Mom asked and I wouldn't even tell her. It was hard enough telling her I was pregnant. Too hard. I was so ashamed. I was 32. I should have known better. I didn't even have my life together. I was working for free at the town newspaper. In a job that most definitely deserved a salary. I knew I was spiraling out of control. Its what I did in the face of grief. Losing grandpa had devastated me. He was the only father figure who had been consistent in my life. We had loved and respected one another, sharing books the way teenage girls shared lipstick and makeup tips. This hole I was in was so deep and dark that I kept flitting from one weakly lit happiness to the next. And this is where that had landed for me. The only saving grace in my life had been working on the book, it was an escape rope that Jess had tossed down for me. He knew. He always knew when I was in trouble. And he always pulled me out. My heart swelled at the thought and then I remembered Luke.

I looked at him through watery eyes. Sucking in as much air I could, I managed to breathe out, "I don't know."

"RORY!" he shouted as he threw his hands in the air, a typical Luke rant gesture. He turned around, gripping the counter so hard his knuckles were white. I knew why he was so upset. He loved me just as much as he loved Jess and April. He was worried, that was when he ranted most.

"Is it Paul's?" he said more quietly. He had actually remembered his name. Anger must make the brain clearer. I snorted softly."No, its not Paul's."

He sighed. "Is it Logan's?" Color me shocked. Mom had told him that too. I was used to things being between us. But mom must be taking this no secrets thing to heart. 

"His or someone else's." I mutter, looking down in shame, pulling at the edges of my shirt's sleeves. I hated this. I hated disappointing the people who love me. Mom's look of shock had been hard to bear. I had covered my pain by jumping up and insisting we get some beauty sleep before the real wedding. His next question made things even worse.

"Who else?" he strangled out. God, I didn't want to say his name. Luke would go nuclear. There might be a murder in town for the first time ever. And the thing was, the other guy didn't even know that I was pregnant yet, or that he might be a father. But looking at Luke's head hanging down, I knew I had to tell him. Deep breath, Gilmore, deep breath.

"Jess" I whispered. He sagged as I said it. He slammed his fists into the counter, making me jump. I started to tear up again, fearing his reaction.

"Rory, you can't play with people's lives like this!" he shouted as he whirled to face me. "You can't drag their hearts behind you, just so you have a soft place to fall!

"Wh-wh-what do you mean by that?" I said forcefully, becoming indignant at his accusations. I didn't play with people's emotions did I?

"Jess!" He shouted.

"What about Jess!" I shouted back. Damn, this was getting loud. I wonder if Mrs. Slutski would start yelling.

"You are an adult. You can't keep flitting back and forth between the men you once loved because it makes you feel better about you, when your down!" he said, pointing his finger at me. "You didn't see him that last time you broke his heart, you didn't pick up the pieces. He drank himself stupid! Almost lost his business! Because you ran to a safe place, the second Logan and you had trouble!" His face was red. He was extremely angry with me.

"I didn't mean to!" I shouted at him. How dare he throw that in my face. I had apologized to Jess so many times for that. I hadn't known that he fell apart. "Why didn't you say anything about that!" I accused him. "I would have gone to him.."

Luke didn't let me finish. "He begged us not to say anything to you! I wanted to! I wanted you to understand what you do to him! He loved you Rory! With his whole heart! You are the only person he has ever opened his heart all the way for! Not even his sister gets that!" he yelled at me. I knew why he was so upset, he loved Jess very much and lived in fear he would revert to his old ways, but that dart hurt. In the darkest corners of my heart the pain seared the wounds open. The ones I had stitched slowly closed my first year at Yale. My anger from all those years ago climbed into my throat. I snapped.

"LOVED ME! LOVED ME! HE RAN FROM ME LUKE!" I screamed in his face, gesturing wildly. Pregancy hormones, go figure. "HE COULDN'T EVEN CONFIDE IN ME THAT HE WASN'T GRADUATING. OR THAT HIS FATHER HAD SHOWED UP SUDDENLY, SENDING HIS WORLD INTO A SPIN! I FUCKING LOVED HIM LUKE!" My anger was in full tilt now. All those repressed feelings were flying from my chest, stone sharp, aimed at anyone in their way.

"HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD ME! HE WAS THE ONLY THAT COULD KEEP UP WHEN WE TALKED ABOUT BOOKS. HE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT COULD INSTANTLY SEE INTO MY SOUL. THE ONLY OTHER PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT DID THAT WAS MY GRANDFATHER…" I chocked on that last word, a different pain lacerating my heart. Grandpa. I knew that I would lose him eventually. But it was too soon. It would always be too soon, even if he had lived a thousand years. Grandpa was my knight in shining armor. He protected me. He defended me. He loved me. And I didn't have to beg to see him. He was always there. He set aside books for me to read, after he had finished. He knew I would love them. My heart constricted at his memory. I gasped for air. But Luke's accusations were like barbed wire around my chest. My anger quickly returned.

"I FUCKING LOVED JESS WITH ALL MY SOUL. HIS AND MINE ARE THE SAME. AND HE LEFT ME LUKE. WITH NO EXPLANATION. NONE AT ALL. I BURNED WITH GRIEF FOR A YEAR. A YEAR LUKE!" I said, my ire growing. Luke looked down, knowing I was right. Jess had hurt me, badly. I was ripped apart. On the inside at least. I had to keep it together for mom's sake. Calm cool and collected on the outside, a lake of fire on the inside. The same when I started Yale. I had to focus on my studies, while hot barbs pierced me everytime my mind slipped to Jess. Now, as an adult, I knew it wasn't intentional. Jess was messed up then. His parents had done him no favors in bringing him up. I knew how lucky I was that I had this whole town that was more than glad to be pseudo parents to me. He ran to find himself. And he did. I knew it the second he showed up with that book. He had found his purpose. Reading books others wrote, while writing his own. Hell, he even shook me out of my stupor back then, something I was eternally grateful for.

"But Rory, you cannot make him pay for that over and over!" Luke said, calmer now. "He knows he fucked up. But it didn't mean he didn't love you."

"I know that now Luke, but at the time, I was very hurt," I sighed, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table. "And you accusing me of hurting him intentionally hurt very badly," I sniffed as the pain turn to sorrow. Letting go of bad feelings was exhausting. Luke kneeled in front of me, put his hands on my shoulders so he could look me in the eye.

"Rory, I love you kid, you are like my own daughter," his eyes were shiny with tears, "but you have got to get yourself together. You have a life growing inside of you that is going to need to you to be put together."

"I know that Luke, don't you think I know that!" I said indignantly, tearing up more. "No one hates where I am at more than me. How did I get here! I'm Rory Gilmore! I'm supposed to be perfect! I've let mom down, you down, the town, my grandpare…." I choked on that last word.

"No Rory, no one expects perfect. And we all fall sometimes. But you've been falling for a year," he said gently "You let yourself be Logan's mistress, that's not you. You know you are worth so much more than that. Logan was using you to escape his unhappiness. You need someone who will always put your happiness first." Ouch. Fucking ouch. I knew he was right. But putting in front of me like that made it too real. I recoiled from him. He let go of my shoulders and sighed.

"Rory, I'm not going to make this your fault. Logan shares equal blame. And how dare he keep you as his side piece! If he loved you at all, he would have left her!" Luke ranted, getting excited again. It was painful to hear but he was right. I had known it all along. Logan didn't love me. He was in love with the idea of me and second shot at what he never got to have after graduation. We were playing house and hurting people in the process. I hung my head, tears falling onto my faded pajama pants.

Luke grabbed my hands with one of his and tipped my head up with the other. He was looking at me in sympathy now. His eyes searched mine for a few seconds.

"Rory," he said softly, "who do you think is the father?" Taking a deep breath, I looked him square in the eye.

"Jess."


	5. Chapter 5

Oh no, they are actually yelling at each other, I thought as I reached the door to the apartment above the diner. They never yelled. Hell, Luke yelled at me when I yelled at Rory in her younger years. He was so protective of her. And now, they were yelling, no screaming at each other. I took a step toward the handle of the door when I heard him behind me.

"Lorelai.." I have never moved so fast as I did in that moment. I clamped my hand over his mouth and shook my head vigorously. I didn't want interrupt Luke and Rory. He raised his hands in surrender and I backed up, turning my attention toward the door.

"What about Jess!" my daughter shouted at my husband. Instantly, anger bubbled to the surfaced and I whipped to face him, giving him that look I gave all those years ago when he was a such a shit. He frantically conveyed his lack of knowledge as to why he was the topic of discussion, silently through gestures. 

I turned back to the door as I heard Luke screaming at Rory about how he had to pick the pieces after Rory had visited Philadelphia. That had been really rough on Luke. To see his nephew fall completely apart and dive straight into a bottle. Everything Jess had accomplished had almost been lost. Luke fought for him though. He had left Cesar in charge of the dinner, with Lane and headed to Philadelphia to set Jess straight. The man in question was looking his shoes with intense interest at the reminder. 

"LOVED ME! LOVED ME! HE RAN FROM ME LUKE!" Rory shouted from beyond the door. I had never heard her that angry in my entire life. I looked over at that damn hoodlum and he was white. No, were those tears? Shit. I started toward him but he backed away, hanging his head in shame. His adam's apple bobbed as he tried to control his emotions. My heart softened a little bit. I stopped my advance and gave him space but kept my eyes on him. He wasn't bad anymore, hell, I'm not sure he ever was. Jess was the victim of circumstance. A negligent mother, and non-exsistant father. My parents weren't the greatest but at least they cared enough to see me fed and clothes and educated. The shouting match continued behind us.

"I FUCKING LOVED JESS WITH ALL MY SOUL. HIS AND MINE ARE THE SAME. AND HE LEFT ME LUKE. WITH NO EXPLANATION. NONE AT ALL. I BURNED WITH GRIEF FOR A YEAR. A YEAR LUKE!"

Jess sucked in a huge breath as he sat heavily on the floor, crying for real now. Not sobbing but definitely crying. The mom in me cried out for the lost little boy in front of me. With a glance back at the apartment door, I got on the floor next to him and put my arms around him. And he let me. Sometimes, people need to let go. And Jess let go. He sobbed into my arms as I stroked his amazing head of black hair. What is with the Danes and their hair! Focus Lorelai, focus.

I started rocking him a little, a gesture I still used on Rory now and then. No matter how big she got, she still needed her mom. Jess never had that. No safe harbor to run to. No one to absorb the pain. Til now. I let him get it all out. I had hated him for hurting Rory. Like murderous hatred. My little girl was devastated when he had left her with no word. She likes to think I didn't notice at all that she was a mess on the inside. Our trip through Europe, she was smile brightly all day but when she thought I was sleeping, she cried softly into her pillow. I let her. I figured she would come to me when she needed to, but she never had over Jess. Logan, Dean, she had broken down in my arms. But Jess was hers and no one elses. No one got to see that pain but her.

But I hadn't spared a thought to Jess. I know he followed his father back to California. I know his father hadn't really welcomed him with open arms. Luke told me how his father had left Jess the day he was born. And how he turned Jess's world upside down by showing up suddenly and leaving. I also knew that he ended up in New York for a while, working as a bike messenger. But now, I could see the pain leaking out of Jess from those years. And I knew that pain. It still leaked out of me from time to time. So I held him. I gave him the unconditional love he had never had. Soon, Jess had quieted down and we could hear Luke and Rory talking more calmly now. 

"Rory, who do you think is the father?" Luke asked. And clear as day, Rory said the name of the man in my arms. He shot up from the floor in mere seconds. I envied his youth. Before I could even lift a foot, he was at the door, pushing it open.

"I'm the what!" he asked, slightly shouted, startling the two people in the room. Rory whipped around, turning white and then red. I came up behind Jess, after heaving myself off the floor, and peeked over his shoulder.

Raising my hand in a feeble wave, I greeted her, "Hey kid, guess who's here!" Stunned eyes shifted to me and back to Jess. Luke assessed the situation and got up quickly.

"Jess, I think you and Rory need to talk," addressing his nephew who was still in the doorway, looking like a deer in headlights. It seemed to snap him out it as he moved slowly toward Rory.

"Yeah, I think we do." Jess said softly, never taking his eyes of my daughter, who looked panicked. Luke walked toward me, a small grimace on his face as he grasped my hand, pulling me away from the apartment.

"But.." I resisted. Luke turned to put an arm around me, to better steer me away.

"They need to talk, Lorelai." He stated. I turned back to watch the door shut, taking a last look at my daughter and step nephew staring each other down.


	6. Chapter 6

Wow, they were screaming at each other. I knew Luke could rant but he would never do that to Rory. Then Luke shouted at her about having to come save me after she had left me that one night in Philadelphia. A night that should have been such a high for me, had ended up in me spiraling out of control.

She had shown up, at my invitation. I hadn't expected her really, I knew she was still with the Blonde dick from Yale. Luke had kept me informed. But seeing her coming toward me, my heart leapt with hope and joy. I'm not a guy that experiences those feelings. Like ever. But with her, they are always around. Her mind was so beautiful. I never talked to another woman like her since we dated. When she called me Dodger all those years ago, stumping me, she had my heart. And my mind. The fact that she liked that I wrote in the margins of her books, with my own thoughts, meant everything to me. For the first time in my life, someone cared about what I had to say. She was someone who could have saved me. If I had let her. If I hadn't run. But I had to run. My life needed to make sense. I needed to know who I was completely, because I knew I wasn't all Liz.

She had stuck around for the entire event. My hope grew that she was there to give me a second chance. A second chance I didn't deserve. Everyone left, except her. I found her reading a book, my book. Where else would I find Rory Gilmore in a bookstore. I pulled up a stool to talk to her. I pulled it close to her. I could feel the electricity between our flesh. As I talked, I moved closer and closer, til I had captured her lips. Still soft, still sweet. Fire traveled through my body as we kept kissing. And then, she had pulled away. Telling me that she couldn't do this to him, even though he had cheated on her. Ice. Ice doused the fire in me at the mention of blonde dick. The one obsessed with length. I backed away, got up. I know I said things to her. The one that sticks in my brain was, "It is what it is, you and me." I wanted to rage, to throw things around the room. But I couldn't be that Jess anymore. I loved her more than anything, and she had just used me to get back at that rich fuck. How dare she. I know I had broken her heart. But tit for tat wasn't going to get anyone anywhere.

Years later, she would apologize. Over and over at family events. I played it cool, letting her know that we were good. Really, we weren't. That pain still stuck. But my embarrassment of what had happened after she left was the real pain. I numbed myself with alcohol. Just like Liz did. Fucking apples and trees. I spiked my coffee in the morning at work. I was getting sloppy with my edits and belligerent with my customers. Matt and Chris tried to cut me some slack, knowing that my heart was in tatters, but eventually, they had to call Luke. They couldn't handle me anymore.

Luke had shown up angry and worried. He had cleaned up too many of Liz's messes to have much patience for mine. But when I broke down sobbing, telling him about Rory, he had done something very unlike him. He wrapped me in his arms. He held me as I cried. He told me how bad he had felt over things with Lorelai. How he cried in the apartment when he laid down in bed. He poured his heart out to me, in an effort to tell me I wasn't alone. That the people you love will hurt you the worst and you will do the same to them. He sobered me up, which honestly took weeks. I kept sneaking liquor behind his back. Not enough to make me falling down drunk but enough to take the edge off the pain. One night, I woke up to the sound of bottles breaking. I stumbled out of my room to find Luke pouring liquor down the drain and slamming the bottles into the trash.

"You ARE NOT Liz," he said, as he turned to face me. We stared each other down until I relented. I had sank into a chair and cried for the last time over that night with Rory. Luke reminded me of what I had here in Philly, what I had done with my life. That I had a talent for the written word. How proud he was of what I had become. How he had failed me.

I had grabbed his hands in mine, looked him in the eye, and told him to never say that again. I told him he was the only one to ever save me, nothing my parents had ever done for me. It was the only time I told him that I loved him. We weren't a touchy feely family, but I needed him to know that. He said he loved me too. The next day, I apologized to Matt and Chris. I took extra shifts so they could have time off, since they had been covering for me. They protested of course but I had to be an adult and take responsibility. Luke had left for Stars Hollow, secure in the knowledge that I was back on track. I hadn't slipped up since.

"LOVED ME! LOVED ME! HE RAN FROM ME LUKE!" The blood drained from my face and tears sprung to my eyes. I had hurt Rory so badly. I left. I had left the love of my life because I couldn't believe I would ever be enough for that brilliant woman. Because my dad had come to see me but didn't even bother to talk to me. Because I had failed out of school and wasn't graduating. Because I had failed Luke.

Lorelai moved toward me, her eyes showing concern. I backed away from her, not wanting her to comfort me. I didn't deserve it after what I had done to her daughter. I knew she had hated me for it. The frost from her had lessened over the last fourteen years but Lorelai could hold a grudge.

"I FUCKING LOVED JESS WITH ALL MY SOUL. HIS AND MINE ARE THE SAME. AND HE LEFT ME LUKE. WITH NO EXPLANATION. NONE AT ALL. I BURNED WITH GRIEF FOR A YEAR. A YEAR LUKE!"

I hit the floor with a thud, tears escaping my eyes. She loved me. She had loved me. And I had thrown it away. I made her feel worthless. The woman I loved. Worthless. Suddenly Lorelai was next to me, pulling me into her chest. She held me, rocking me slightly. Giving me permission to let go. And I did. I let go of the pain that the little boy I was had kept hidden. I let go of my mom abandoning me to my uncle. I let go of this stupid town and their unjust hatred for me. I let go of letting Luke down. And I let go of the pain between Rory and me. I don't know how long I cried. Lorelai rocked me and rubbed her hands through my hair. I had never been loved like that. I had never known the calmness of a mother taking on all your pain. No wonder Rory and her were so close.

Eventually, I stopped sobbing. We could hear Rory and Luke talking softly with each other but could still hear them talking. Luke asked Rory who did she think the father was. Father? Of what? And then it hit me. Rory hadn't been drinking coffee. She hadn't drank at the wedding. She had passed on certain dishes. Rory was pregnant. And then, she said my name, Jess.

I don't know how, but I was suddenly on my feet and walking toward the door to the apartment. My hand grabbed the handle, I shoved it and shouted, "I'm the what!" to the occupants within. Rory and Luke looked up at the sound of my voice. Rory, her skin an already milky porcelain, turned even whiter as she whipped around to face me. Luke was stunned but quickly moved into action, towards Lorelai, who was saying something. I was so focused on Rory, I didn't pay attention to what she had said. All I knew was that they were suddenly gone and it was just me and her. How many times had it been just me and her in this office come apartment, kissing each other in a fervor of teenage hormones. Sadly, we were constantly interrupted by Luke. Now, both Luke and Lorelai were gone and we were truly alone.

Rory, quickly got up, but lost her balance just as quickly. I lurched to grab her in time. She went from white to red in her embarrassment.

"Sorry," she muttered, "pregnancy makes balance tricky."

"Its alright," I said, a little sternly. "Rory, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" I asked her. She blanched again, turning away from me, and wrapping her arms around herself. It was a gesture I was familiar with, when she was extremely upset or uncomfortable. She wandered away from me towards the couch, sitting down and putting her head down and anchoring her hands in her hair.

"I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully. I stood for a moment, contemplating where I should sit. I chose the kitchen table. I needed to give her space. If I was on top of her, she would panic.

"And you think I'm the father?" I said softly. My brain was screaming holy shit over and over. But outwardly, I was calm. I didn't even look at her, instead focusing on my shoes.

"It was that day," she said. That day….


	7. Chapter 7

Rory, having fought with her mother right before she left, was in a panic, trying to get all her stuff to Lane's home, while freaking out about finding a job. I had come to her in a rush, worried about Luke's behavior, seeking help in fixing what had broken between him and Lorelai. As she was in a tailspin, I set about calming her down, with selfish intentions of getting her to help me with Luke. I had pulled her into my arms and got us to the sofa. While we sat, she begged me to talk about Truncheon, to take her mind off her problems. I regaled her with stories about the antics of my partners, Chris and Matt. I had her laughing heartily in no time, and she had jokingly asked if Chris had controlled his poet yet. I had guffawed at that. We kept talking about the inane things in our lives, reveling in my publishing house and the quirks that worked with me. She was finally calm enough to talk about herself. She had me laughing about Esther and Charlie at the SH Gazette. How she had to put the poem back after her phone rang incessantly for days about it. Eventually we decided to distract ourselves with the television, she put in some movie for us to watch. Something dumb. I couldn't even remember the title. We were warm and comfortable from sitting next to each other on the couch. She laid against my chest, as she talked. It had made a pleasant vibration filter through my skin. I had an arm around her. My thumb was making lazy circles on her bare bicep. Eventually, I moved to running my hand up and down her arm. Then she had looked up. Those big beautiful blue eyes shot through my soul. Our comfort had made us bold, and forgetful of who we were and what we had done to each other in the past.

She had moved to straddle me, never breaking her eye contact. Her confidence had surprised me. As a teenager, she would never look at me right before we kissed. I would have to seek her mouth out for myself. Now, years of womanhood had transformed her into the lithesome creature rocking her hips slightly against mine. We had stared at each other for awhile, until she raised her hands to my hair and began to run them through. I closed my eyes in ecstasy, relishing the love I felt in her hands. Her touch was always so soft. Gentle. Suddenly, she had gripped the ends of my hair, pulled my head back and bore her eyes into mine. I had unconsciously reached my arms around her, pulling her flush against my chest. A single pump of my heart and her mouth was on mine. Crushing, begging, demanding. I greedily accepted her challenge, opening myself to her. God, I felt 17 again. She had always been fire for me. I could never capture this feeling with anyone else. It burned through my veins, flaying my skin.

She had taken off her tank top in a flash of movement. We had never been this far before with each other. We had wanted it desperately, but circumstance and my stupidity had kept us from it. I hadn't looked down yet but when her taut nipples brushed my shirt, I pulled back from her mouth. I had gripped her shoulders, while looking her in the eye. I saw the flash of doubt cross her face, worried that I was about to reject her. I lifted a corner of my mouth in a sensual smirk and felt her relax. I ran my hands down her arms and slowly took in her toplessness. It was like she was cut from marble. Round but with the slight droop that gravity gives all women who aren't plastic. Nipples pink with lust and blood, reaching out to my mouth, begging for my tongue. I glanced back up at her, smirking devilishly, never breaking eye contact, leaned in and dragged my tongue across her left nipple. She sucked in a small breath while letting out a whining moan. Slowly as I could, I made my way to her right, still keeping eye contact and swirled my tongue around that nipple. I received a guttural moan in response. Rory made noise, I had thought pleasantly. I would have been disappointed if she had been quiet. She showed such passion for other things she loved, it made sense that lovemaking was an area that she would show just as much enthusiasm for.

Slowly laving my way across both breasts, I could feel her hips pressing into mine. But I wasn't about to rush this. I had been waiting for so many years to feel her body's response to my ministrations. I gripped her shoulders from her back, bringing her chest to me. I finally closed my mouth around her, eliciting a hushed "Jess" to fall from her cherry lips. My cock had jumped at that. She could unwind my brain and soul so fucking quickly. Our bodies had no room to pass a piece of paper between them. She was clenching her hands in my hair, pushing up on her hips, forcing her breasts into my mouth even further, as if to make me swallow them. Not that I minded. She tasted so sweet and yet slightly salty from perspiration. It made my mind spin with its deliciousness. But I wanted to feel her on my skin as well. I pushed up, holding her to me, and setting her on her feet. Again the doubt flashed but when I made to remove my shirt, I saw a spark of naughtiness in her eyes.

"Let me" she growled. Raising an eyebrow at her, I let go of the hem and raised my arms, inviting her to have it. She brought her hands to the strip of skin left bare by my posture, running them back and forth. I groaned a little at the lightness of her touch. She smiled a wicked smile at that. She started caressing my abs, raising the shirt a little up my chest. I sucked in a lot of air at that point. Rory was teasing and taunting me, and doing it very well at that. I trembled as she moved higher, her hands slightly cool against my burning flesh. Her focus was on my chest as I watched her. She stopped as the shirt reached my nipples, and cocked an eyebrow at me. She bent down slightly, holding the shirt where it was. I was breathing hard, but when her tongue hit the skin right above my jeans button, I let out a gravely fuck. She let out a dark laugh and continued laving my skin, working her way back up. She raised her eyes to me as she hit one of my nipples, and I tossed my head back, moaning just as she had. She licked, sucked and nipped me, sensations that shot straight to my groin.

"Ror," I whispered, begging her to stop and to continue in the same breath. She giggled, focusing on taking the rest of my shirt off. She had raised the neck to my head where she stopped just as it passed my mouth. She licked my lips, pulling my bottom into her teeth. Then she placed a small kiss on me before totally removing me shirt. We stood inches apart, taking in each others bare chests. She made the first move towards me, raising her hand to caress my stubble, while running the other across the bare flesh of my side. I wrapped my arms around her back, sliding one of my hands into her pants, under her lingerie, molding it to her cheek. She smiled as I did. Standing on tip toes, she kissed me, and I pulled her up my chest. I walked her backwards toward her room, never breaking contact. I managed the door open, we shuffled through.

As much as I enjoyed the confident sexual partner Rory had become, I wanted my turn. I pushed her down onto her bed, kissing my way down her body. I visited those magnificent orbs again but continued on, eager to see the rest of her. Moans and gasps filled her room, echoing in my brain. I had hoped those sounds would remain for the rest of my life, locked in my brain whether it was torturous or not. She was arching and squirming under my mouth. I had reached her buckle. I spent time laving the skin around her belly button, enjoying the fire in her eyes as I did. I used my teeth to tear her button loose, not wanting to relinquish her breasts from my hands quite yet. As I brushed her nipples lightly with my thumb, I pulled the zipper down, and used my nose to nudge the flaps apart. I inhaled her scent. The lust. The excitement. A heady concoction that emboldened me further. I gripped the top of her jeans, and yanked roughly downward. She lifted her ass slightly so I could get them free. I pulled them inside out as they traversed down her legs. I tossed them behind me, immediately leaning my face into her sex. I rubbed my cheeks against her soft, cotton underwear, earning soft gasps from her as my stubble tickled the softest parts of her skin. I licked along the edges, in the crevices of her thighs, planting tiny kisses here and there. She gripped my head, pushing her pelvis against me.

"Patience," I muttered as I rubbed my face along her creamy thigh. It felt gloriously silky on my roughened cheek. I made out with her thighs in various spots, kissing, licking and sucking her sweetness into my hungry mouth. She kept begging me to end the torment but this might have been my only chance to be with her and I was going to memorize every surface of her. To dream of making love to her later on. To fuel my writing by tormenting myself with her image. Rory, my muse. My soul. My everything. My head and heart were engulfed in glorious flame.

"Jess, pleasssssssssssssse," a whining moan came from the top of the bed. Chuckling, I slowly made my way up her legs, and dragged her panties off. I raised up on my knees to take in the sight before me. She was a goddess. A forest nymph. A succubus. A siren. And I was her willing servant. My heart, already beating rapidly, pounded even harder in my chest as she lay there, her hair a glorious crown, her hips undulating, her hands on her breasts. Taking the deepest breath I could, I knelt between her thighs. I ran my tongue up her hip and thigh junction, earning a squeal. I nuzzled her trimmed hair, inhaling the scent of her waters. I teased her with my tongue lightly, tracing her outer labia while she gasped and sighed. I kept this up for several minutes as I watched her movements increase. With my nose, I nudged her lips apart, to gain access to the sensitive bud that was already swollen from my foreplay. I slowly licked the nub, drawing a hissing yes from the woman I loved. I laved her lovingly as she ground her pussy into my face, silently begging me to get rougher. I obliged her by reaching under her ass, gripping her hips and yanking her to my mouth. A loud yes this time. Hopefully Babette and Morey were out. I showed Rory no mercy, and could feel the tension building in her thighs. My name was a prayer on her lips, over and over and over. I nipped her clit slightly with my teeth and she bucked against me. She shouted, fuck, over and over, while I licked her slowly to keep the pleasure coming. She slammed back into the bed, breathing hard. I tongued her entrance, knowing the nerves were extra sensitive.

Suddenly, she was up and pulling me toward the head board. She flipped me on my back and before I could say a word, she plunged onto my heated cock. I sucked breath like a dying man at the slickness that enveloped me, knowing I had made her like that. She moaned and paused, taking the feel of me in. Then her eyes popped open, and stared into mine. Never breaking contact, she slowly rode me, one hand on my chest for support, one behind her, rolling my sac.

"Rorrrrrrrrrrr," I ground out, reaching for her hips, to help her should she tire. She smirked a little at that before her mouth opened in a gasp of pleasure. I took one of my hands and found her clit again, slick with her juice, and rubbed in time with her thrusts, earning a whimper from her. But she never broke eye contact. Her breasts bounced so beautifully, as she picked up her pace.

"Rory, I'm not going to last long if you keep that up," I growled out.

"I don't want you too," she said gasping, "I want to see your face as you cum." Fuck, who was this woman? When had she become so confident with sex? I grunted as I tried to keep from coming before her. She smiled at me, knowing I was holding back, so she brought her hand off my balls and started massaging her breast in challenge.

"Fuck, you're killing me." I breathed out in effort.

"I know, die in my arms Jess," she quoted. Quoting Shakespear in bed? Hell yes, this woman was for me. A few more pumps, I knew I was a goner so I picked up the pace on her pleasure. Her muscles clenched down on my cock, and I knew I was going to take her with me. 

"Die with me, Rory," I whispered and as she began to splinter, her movements becoming exceptionally jerky, I followed right behind her, gripping her hips and thrusting as deep as a I could into her. She fell forward, collapsing onto my chest, both of us heaving for air. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that but we stayed silent, just listening to each other breathe. Slowly, sex induced sleep overtook us, and right before we went under, she whispered to me, "I love you," and we were out. A few hours later I awoke, chilled from my nakedness. Rory had rolled off onto the bed next to me, in a fetal position facing the porch side of her room. She was still huddled against me for warmth. Sunlight from the kitchen made her glow goldenly, her chestnut hair more fiery. Still a goddess, I thought.

Glancing at her clock, I swore silently. I had to get back to Philly. I had a meeting in the morning that I couldn't miss with one of our authors. I grimaced at the thought of waking her up. I knew she hadn't been sleeping well. Luke said she was tap dancing in the middle of the night due to anxiety. I slowly rolled off the bed, grabbing one of her spare blankets and slowly covering her. I bent down to put a kiss on her temple, but she never stirred. I grabbed my clothes and backed out of her room, so I wouldn't wake her as I dressed. While I did so, I looked around for a note pad that I could leave her a message on. There, on the fridge. I grabbed it and the pencil on the table and scribbled how I had to go, and I was sorry but I wanted her to call me when she woke, leaving my number at the bottom. I almost signed it, love Jess, but wrote Jess instead. I didn't want to scare her off by using the L word again. Putting the pencil down, I tore the note from the pad and placed it under the sugar jar in the center of the table. I grabbed my boots, picked up my rucksack and quietly shut the door behind me. I walked back to my car, got in and headed back to Philly. What I hadn't seen, was Paul Anka, hopping into a kitchen chair, sniffing the table, finding sugar that spilled from me lifting the jar, and gobbling it and the note I had left for Rory.


	8. Chapter 8

God, that day, I thought as the silence in the apartment boomed loud. The fantasy I had lived in my head since I was a teenager had finally come to fruition that day. I slept with Jess. No. I made love with Jess. He had worshipped my body like I always wanted my other lovers to do. His hands, his mouth, his…everything were electric against my skin. My hair rose every time I thought about it.

I had been in a blind panic, when he showed up to talk about Luke. I was so upset that mom had rejected the book idea. I didn't want to tell Jess that, it would just upset him. But I needed to get away from the cloud that hung in the Crap Shack. Lane graciously offered me a place for a few days while I got permission from Grandma to write in Grandpa's study.

He always knew how to talk me off the ledge. He talked to me about the goofs he worked with and their antics. He had me laughing in no time, forgetting my troubles. Soon I had him laughing about the cronies at the Stars Hollow Gazette. We had decided to watch a movie, something to get rid of the stress of Luke and Lorelai's relationship had caused us. I laid my head on his chest. It felt so natural. Like I was home after a very long trip. And then I looked up at him. I lost myself in those eyes. Their depth of caring unwinding the grief I couldn't break free from. I had an urge to be closer so I straddled his lap. His hair invited me to swim in its layers with my hands. The combination of all this had turned my insides molten. I wanted to consume him. I wanted what I had been deprived of all these years ago. So, I leaped. And as always, he caught me. His arms around me, we had made our way to my childhood bedroom. I spared no thought for the other moment that had happened in that bed. The one I regretted but didn't at the same time.

His tongue was fire all over my body. I felt like I had static electricity running up and down my skin, but it refused to discharge. I remembered the heights he had brought me, and how I wanted to bring him the same heights. I had flipped the table on him. I was riding him from above. When had he taken off his pants? Nevermind, my brain screamed when I was impaled all the way. Oh my fucking god. It was so hot, I was so slick. I rode him til we came together. I had slumped down on his chest, exhausted but with my body singing. I remember saying, I love you, and then darkness. When I woke, I was under a blanket. And he was gone. Again.

I stumbled into the kitchen looking for any sign of him. Nothing. Just Paul Anka sitting in one of the chairs, staring at me. A tear rolled down my cheek. I told myself it was ok. We just got it out of our system. I was sad and needed to feel glad again. I dropped the blanket and took a shower.

I got the last of my things and headed to Lane and Zach's. I left a note for Luke so he wouldn't worry when he got home from the diner. Not that he would notice anyway, he was too preoccupied with thoughts of my mom. Poor guy. Lane greeted me at the door with the boys to help me carry my things in. We all had dinner and I excused myself after, pleading exhaustion from fighting with mom and moving out, and laid in bed as tears made their way down my face. He had left. Again.


	9. Chapter 9

"Rory, why didn't you call," Jess shook me out of my stupor of memories, "you know, after?" Suddenly the anger was back. "Call? CALL? Why the hell did you leave me like always? No note, no goodbye!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face. He sat there stunned for a few seconds, then his gaze shifted to confused.

"I did leave a note. I had a meeting that I couldn't miss for work and had to get back to Philly. I wrote a note and put it under the sugar jar on the kitchen table. I asked for you to call me when you woke up and how I was sorry I had to go," Jess said softly. I blinked at him twice. There had been no note under the jar. Just Paul Anka and the table….oh no. Paul Anka. Sugar. He must have eaten the note. I started to giggle at the absurdity. The giggling turned to laughter, Jess raised his eyebrow at me, which just ended up with me cackling, bent over, trying to get air in between the laughs.

"Ror, you're giving me whiplash here," Jess said, slightly amused and worried at the same time. "Paul"…gasp…"Anka"…giggle…"ate"…several minutes later…"the note," I struggled out as I gripped the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Both eyebrows shot up, which sent me into another giggle fit. "How?" he asked.

"He loves sugar, you must have spilled some when you move the jar and it landed on the note too," I huffed out while wiping my tears. Jess stared blankly into the distance while I got myself under control. Then I heard something from him I didn't expect to. He dissolved into the giggles too. Like big time. I sat down at the table and watched him in his mirth. I really hadn't seen Jess like this before, unhindered by his reserve. It was beautiful. Sadly, it ended too soon for me. He got himself under control quickly and turned to me.

"When you didn't call, I thought you didn't want anything to do with me," he said sadly. I shook my head. "I was upset that you had seemingly left again." We looked at each other in silence. "Do you want me," he whispered, his voice full of hope and dread. His question was a punch to my lungs. Yes. Yes, a million times I wanted him. He was always there for me, and never pulling punches. He told me what I needed to hear. He was patient with me. He was the one I could talk books with. We fit like puzzle pieces. Our better parts reaching toward the other to make each other whole.

But what about the baby? What would he say when he heard about my affair with Logan? Would he look at me in disgust? Would I finally break him to the point of no repair? I didn't want an answer to those questions. I really didn't. I wanted to ignore all of it and just be Rory and Jess. Finally. And forever.

"I do," I breathed out, knowing that things were about to hit the fan. He smiled his smirk at me. My heart glowed. I looked down at the table. "But…"

"No buts! Please no buts Rory!" he looked at me desperately. I could understand why. He thought I was going to back out.

I put my hand out to still him. "Jess, we need to talk about things, that is why I said but." I spoke softly. He relaxed a bit at that and sat back. "Okay," he said. I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and spilled out everything he needed to know. I told him about how Logan and I had been carrying on an affair for months. How I wanted to stop but couldn't. Not until that day I was with him. But thanks to my mother's dog, I had thought he had left me again. And I was angry. And sad. And when Logan had come to town with his sweeping gesture, I grasped at the sliver of happiness. I told him how much the boys meant to me, how they had picked me up so many times to brush me off. I told him that Logan and I had sex after one too many drinks at the Tango bar. I told him how I had sent Logan back to Odette for good in the morning. How I hadn't enjoyed being the other woman but how my grief had pulled me under. Which was no excuse, but it was the reason. I was just trying to feel okay after grandpa's death. At that he put up a hand to stop me. I was shaking, waiting for his reply.

"Rory, you don't need to explain to me how grief can make you do terrible things. To yourself, others. I've seen it first hand in my mother. In myself. I'm not happy about Blonde Dick from Yale. I had hoped he was out of your life for good a long time ago," he said on a sigh. I know he had. I hated disappointing him. "And since Paul Anka messed up our morning after, I can understand why you went with him. You don't need to apologize for that. It was no one's fault," he said, running his hands through his hair.

"Thank you," I choked out tearfully. He reached across the table for my hand. I gave it to him. "I love you," he said, causing me to sob a little. "I love you," I said back. He smiled at me. Then it dropped off his face. "What?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

"This means the baby might be his, doesn't it?" he asked sadly. I nodded. He swallowed hard. "That's going to make this tricky if it is his," he declared. I nodded again. "Let's hope it's mine," he smiled through tears. I nodded vigorously at that. I sent a silent prayer to grandpa to help me make that true.

"You have to let him know," he said. My head jerked up at that. "Why?" I asked. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him, especially if it isn't his."

"Rory, that isn't fair to him and you know it. Remember Luke and April?" he implored. I nodded. He was right. Logan had a right to know. I couldn't call him outright though. Odette was living with him. I'd call Finn or Colin. They could get ahold of him for me and tell him I needed to talk. I relayed this to Jess. He nodded, glad I was listening. I went to look for my phone.

Downstairs, we sat in the dark, listening to the murmurs above. I looked at Luke, worried. "It seems that things have calmed down," he said, "I think we can leave them to talk."

"But…" I got out before he grabbed my hand, kissing it. "They're adults Lorelai, they can handle this." With a glance at the ceiling, I nodded, indicating that we should head out the door.

"Let's walk back, so the Jeep doesn't interrupt them," I said, taking his big hand in mine. "Okay." My man of few words. We strolled toward the house hand in hand, taking in the silence of the town. We got in the door, he helped me out of my coat. I trudged up the steps with him behind me. We got into the bedroom, and I made to get in my pajamas. I turned as the door shut behind me and locked. Mr. Hyde had returned…


	10. Chapter 10

"Rosemary, you know you love me!" I shouted at her across the bar. She just grinned and shook her head. I smiled back at her and sauntered back to my mates at the table. We were at the reception for Logan's wedding. Odette was dragging Logan around to mingle, while Robert, Colin and I nursed our drinks, which were non-alcoholic. We really didn't feel like partying much at this wedding.

"Can you believe he actually went through with it?" Colin murmured into his glass. I frowned, knowing why he was disgruntled. We had left Rory, despite our protestations, and Logan had gone back to Odette. Mother. Really, one of the best women I have ever met. My heart ached.

"Not our place," I muttered back, "not our life." Colin and Robert frowned. I knew they were as upset as I was. We hated the way Logan had used Rory. Yes, used. She had been grieving and in a spiral. But it wasn't our place to say so. Or, at least, that's what we told ourselves. In our circles, there was usually an alpha, and our alpha was Logan.

We watched him talking to important people while Odette clung to his arm. Odette was, well, Odette. She was nice enough, at least to our faces. But she wasn't Rory. A marriage based on merging the family businesses. Not uncommon. Logan was the heir. It was his responsibility. Nothing we could do about it. I sighed at the meaninglessness of it all.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and as I pulled it out, familiar blue eyes captured mine. I stared for a second, looked at Colin and Robert. I mouthed, Rory, and they were on instant alert. I nodded to the outdoor terrace and we quickly scampered out. I hit the answer button.

"Mother, to what do we owe the pleasure?" I crowed in my happiest voice.

I hung up the phone and turned to Jess as I made my way toward the table. He looked at me expectantly.

"I told Finn to let Logan know I need to talk," I said with a half-smile, my nerves preventing me from anything else. He nodded, and sighed.

"It's pretty late, and its been a full day. How about we go to bed?" he asked me.

"You mean….?" I asked. He laughed and shook his head no.

"I'm beat, you're beat, lets just get some rest. I can take the couch if want," he offered so gallantly.

"No, I wasn't lying when I said I want you, Jess. I need your arms around me as I sleep. I need to feel like I'm at home," I said, tearing up. He nodded, his eyes shining, and he got up and helped me out of my chair. I stretched my muscles, tight from the stress of the last hour. We shuffled toward the queen bed. I was already in my PJs and climbed right in. Jess stripped down to his underwear and climbed in. I turned and snuggled into his chest, and he wrapped an arm around me. We fell asleep quickly, warm against one another, as the first snow started to blanket Stars Hallow.


	11. Chapter 11

We watched Logan and Odette get into the limousine that would take them to the airport for their honeymoon. The wedding and reception had lasted late into the morning and I was glad it was done. Guests dispersed as the festivities had ended. I walked to Robert and Colin, determination on all our faces.

"Who's driving?" I asked.

"Me." Robert declared. I knew he was stone cold sober, Colin and I only imbibing a sip of champagne.

"Right, let's change and get going," I said. We headed off to the bathrooms and quickly got out of the ridiculous tuxes Odette had made us wear. White and fuchsia. We left them in the trash, where they belonged. We piled into Colin's SUV and I put Stars Hollow into the GPS. It was going to be interesting to see it in the light of day. We'd only seen it at night the last time we'd been there. We hadn't been exactly sober either.

We had planned to stay at the Dragonfly Inn, a quaint little inn that had a fabulous rating in the Zagat. We'd sleep for a few hours and then go find Mother. I probably should stop calling her that. Since Father was married to someone else. Rory, we were going to see Rory. Because something was wrong. I'd heard it in her voice. Her urgency for me to speak to Logan for her and have him get in contact. I told her the wedding had happened a few hours earlier and that it might be a few weeks before I could get Logan to talk to her. She said it was fine, that it would keep, but she needed to talk to him. That had been unsettling.

I settled into the passenger seat as Robert pointed the car north from New York. Colin was already out. Robert and I talked about our lives, his work and mine. The two hours passed quickly, and we pulled into the Dragonfly's parking lot. A man greeted us, asked about luggage, took what little there was of it and placed it on a small golf cart. We got in with him and were driven up a hill to the hotel proper. We walked through the front door and as we looked around, my sight landed on a familiar looking woman. I couldn't place her though. I walked towards the desk she was standing behind, smiling.

"Hello, love," I greeted cheerfully, "we have a reservation for three rooms, under Colin Cray."

"Hello, welcome to the Dragonfly, let me look that up for you," she said, smiling at me. She was beautiful, a raven-haired goddess. I glanced at her left hand. Damn, a ring. Off the market then. My gaze rose to her name tag. "Lorelai" was stamped on it. I was dumbstruck.

"Excuse me, your name is Lorelai?" I asked her, suddenly wary. She glanced up at me and smiled.

"Yes, Lorelai Danes-Gilmore, I own the inn," she said as she handed me the room keys, "John will show you to your rooms. Make sure you take a look at the menus in your rooms, so you know what you'll want for breakfast. Our chef and co-owner, Sookie Stackhouse is back! You won't want to miss her food." I nodded my thanks, following John as she said, Colin and Robert were behind me.

"Did she say Gilmore?" Robert whispered. I nodded. We'd picked Rory's mom's establishment. I know she worked at a hotel, but I'd never paid much attention when Rory talked about it.

"Shit, will she kill us?" Colin asked. I shrugged.

"Better get some rest in case she does gents," I said, and went into my room to rest, praying that the Mrs. Gilmore wasn't going to murder us. We had never really been introduced to her when we were in college. Sure, we saw her once or twice but not enough to be remembered by either party. I wonder what would happen if she knew who we were and how we were tied to Logan.

The rooms were small but well decorated, perfect for couples and families looking to get away for the weekend. We each had a room, Robert and mine connected by a door in the rooms. We agreed on getting up at 11 to go find Mo…Rory. I crashed into the bed, still clothed. I tried to swallow my trepidation as I fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

*I don't own GGs

**I don't update regularly

I woke up with Rory wrapped in my arms. My insides danced in jubilation. I squeezed her a tiny bit harder, as if to consume her into my soul. She blinked, looked up at me, and smiled. I bent my head to capture her lips in mine. It was slow and soft and then she yelped. She tossed off the covers, running for the bathroom. I scrambled after her, worried that something was severely wrong.

"Ror, you okay," I shouted as I got to the door. She was on her knees, her face in the bowl. Morning sickness. I knelt behind her and pulled her hair back. She threw me a small smile before retching again. When she sat up, I knew she was through. I stood up and got water from the sink in a small paper cup. I handed it to her.

"Do you need a cold washcloth?" I asked. She shook her head, slowly sipping the water.

"No, its over, for now," she said, "I need to get some food in me, that's all."

"Good thing we are staying over a diner," I chuckled. I reached for her hand to help her up. She did so slowly. We went out to the bedroom where she started looking for clothes to wear. I rifled through my duffle bag for clean clothes. Once we were both dressed, I grabbed her hand and we walked down the stairs together. As I pulled back the curtain, a small number of gasps sounded in the dining area. I threw them a couple glares, while Rory smiled at them. She wrapped her arm around my waist and reached up to kiss me. The gasps became outright cries. Miss Patty and Babette looked at each other and pulled out their cell phones. Word of our relationship would-be all-over Stars Hollow within minutes. Rory led me to the table nearest the kitchen, just as Luke stuck his head out to see what the commotion was. He saw us sitting at the table together and rolled his eyes. He made his way out to take our orders.

"Blueberry pancakes with ham. And pickles!" Rory put in. We both looked at her like she was nuts. She just stared back at us.

"The baby wants what it wants," she said with a shrug. Luke half smiled and turned to me.

"Fruit bowl and some oatmeal please," I said. Rory snickered. She loved teasing me about being a health nut now.

"Coming right up," Luke said handing the ticket to Caesar. He headed over to the counter, picked up the coffee and then looked at Rory. He picked up the decaf instead. She pouted at him until he picked up the regular coffee.

"You really shouldn't drink this," he whispered, bending down so others wouldn't hear.

"I know, this is my only cup of the day, to wake up," she said. He looked at her, sceptic, and she crossed her heart. Satisfied, he walked back to put the pot down.

"Luke!" Kirk cried as he burst through the door. Rory sloshed her coffee a bit, surprised from his outburst. I glared at him as I grabbed some napkins to wipe up the table. Not that he noticed. Without looking up from what he was doing, Luke addressed him.

"What is it Kirk?" he asked as he flipped through the tickets.

"Lulu wants a baby! I'm not ready for a baby," Kirk cried as he paced back and forth along the counter. Luke sighed, throwing down his pencil.

"You already have Petal, that's pretty much like having a baby Kirk," he said, trying to calm Kirk.

"How is that like having a baby Luke! Petal is a pig, not a human!" Kirk was pulling his hair now, in full blown panic mode. I'll admit, it was amusing to watch.

"Do you make bottles for Petal?" Luke asked. Kirk nodded the affirmative. "Do you clean up after her when she goes to the bathroom?" Again, Kirk nodded. "Do you give her baths?"

"Yes Luke! How is that like a baby!" Now he was near tears.

"You have to do that for a baby Kirk!" Luke's voice was going higher, a sure sign he was annoyed. Kirk stopped pacing and looked at him.

"Really?" he asked. Luke jerked his head in a nod, his lips pursed together.

"That doesn't sound too hard," Kirk was rubbing his goatee in contemplation now.

"Go knock her up, sugah!" Babette piped up from the other side of the diner. Everyone clapped or wolf whistled as Kirk hurried back out the door. The incident even make Luke break out in a smile and he headed to the kitchen to grab our food.

"Kirk is going to make a baby," Rory raised her eyebrows at me with a smirk. I had to laugh. I liked Lulu; she was very nice woman. Kirk didn't deserve her. But it took all kinds, I guess.

Luke set our plates down as Lorelai walked in. Dressed for work. I raised a questioning eyebrow at Luke. It was the day after their wedding, and they were both working?

"She is wrapping things up at the inn so she can go on the honeymoon. She has to sign the papers for the annex, and she is taking the evening shift, so Michel gets a bit of a break," he responded, knowing my question. I nodded in understanding. She had walked over to our table, trepidation on her face.

"How is everyone?" she asked nervously. Rory stood up to hug her.

"We are fine mom. And we are together now. And he knows everything," she said as she invited her mom to sit with us. Lorelai sat down on Rory's side of the table, looking between us.

"Really Lorelai, we're good," I reassured her. I could see her shoulders relax. She smiled at us both. We ate breakfast together, talking about the addition to the Dragonfly, and the impending honeymoon. They were going on a European tour for two weeks. Not something usual for Luke but he told me he had wanted to see it through Lorelai's eyes. Emily had paid for it. First class accommodations at every stop. Luke joined us during a lull and he and I went over what needed to be done at the diner while he was away.

After breakfast, Rory wanted to get some fresh air, so we walked around town and eventually found ourselves at the bridge over the lake. We sat down, enjoying the white covered trees, and the stillness in the air. She leaned against me, smiling at her own thoughts. I had so much that I wanted to discuss, but her look of peace was one I didn't want to disturb. So, I wrapped my arm around her and joined her in quiet contemplation.


	13. Chapter 13

*I don't own GGs

**I don't update regularly

There was a chill in the air but leaning into Jess' body while sitting in the sunshine was making it easier. I inhaled the coldness into my lungs, along with the scents of nature. The sweet smell of leaves decaying. The sharp scent of pine. It was a beautiful November day.

Jess was quiet, but that was nothing unusual. He was a contemplative and observant person. We could sit in silence, both of us knowing nothing was wrong between us. He bent down to kiss the top of my head. I smiled and looked up at him. He caught my lips with his and we made out on the bridge like we were 17 again. He pulled away and put his forehead against mine.

"Ror, we need to talk about things," he murmured, " I don't want to ruin the loveliness we have going here but…"

"Its okay, I know we have to face the situation," I said, kissing the tip of his nose. I sat up straighter so I could look at him while we talked.

"I spoke to my friends who could get a message to Logan, but it will be a few weeks before they can get the message to him, apparently him and Odette were married yesterday," I stated. He nodded his head, frowning.

"Will he be angry? Will he come after you?" he asked, his forehead wrinkled with worry. I took a second to realize how much he looked like his uncle when he was worried. A small smile escaped my lips. I looked down to hide it.

"No, I don't think he will be angry about the baby.." He cut me off.

"That it might be mine, that's what I meant," he said, swinging his feet under the bridge while gripping its edge.

"No, I don't think he will," I said, looking out at the water, "But if he does, I'll remind him of his hypocrisy." He smiled at that. He liked it when I unleashed angry Rory.

"How soon will we find out?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, I have to talk to Paris about how that works," I said. Again he smiled. He had always liked Paris. They were birds of a feather. They told you exactly what they thought and what you needed to hear. Paris liked him too. That should have been my clue all those years ago that he was the right man for me. Between Dean, Jess, and Logan, Jess was the only one she got along with and liked. He was intelligent but opinionated. She loved that. She loved that he gave a book a chance and had a solid argument behind why he didn't like it. She would be thrilled that he was back in my life.

"Okay. Now lets talk about the living situation. I can work remotely, since I'm an editor, and we have employees for the book store," he said, "I would have to make appearances now and then at the office, and also travel to meet authors."

"Are you sure? I know how much you enjoy being in Philadelphia." I said to him, worried that he would make a ton of sacrifices for me.

"I do enjoy it. But I love being with you more. Even if it means living in this dippy town, with all the crazy festivals. I've never really had a physical home Ror, you are my home. Where you are, I am," he said, staring into my eyes. He became blurry as mine filled with water. He always had a way with words. And he meant every word he said. My heart swelled and clenched in the same beat.

"Thank you," I managed to croak out, my throat tightening with emotion. I looked out over the water, taking a shaky breathe.

"I'm in the wind at the moment Jess. I lost myself after Grandpa died. I can see that now. We all did. Mom, Grandma, myself. We all went into downward spirals of grief. We couldn't save each other. We had to save ourselves. Find our purpose without him. So if you want to live in Philly, I'm okay with that. I have to figure out who I am. And if that means Philly, then that is what that means." I said with a small shrug.

"You need your mom Rory, especially now," he said looking at me with that worried expression again. I knew he was right. I just didn't want him sacrificing his life for me. I didn't want the relationship to be unequal. I hung my head. He grabbed my chin to turn my face to his.

"I'm not sacrificing anything. I'm not giving up anything. Just the location in which I happen to live. My work, my purpose are still there," he reached to touch my stomach, "And, in here. Life changes. And I'm okay with changing it for you and the baby."

"How do you always know what I'm thinking?" I said through tears, "Thank you for loving me so unselfishly."

He kissed me gently, pulling me into his arms. I sobbed quietly into his mouth.

"Moth….Rory!" an exclamation came from the shore. We both sat up, surprised at the interruption. There, standing on the shore, were Finn, Colin, and Robert. They looked a little shocked. Jess glanced between the group of men and me.

"Jess, meet the Life and Death Brigade, and Logan's best friends," I stated, as I kept my eyes on the boys. What were they doing here?


End file.
